This is my first draft. It seems to be lacking in detail.Below is the email followed by the letter. All comments are greatly appreciated. Thanks
Dear CE Students,
Please be informed that a Singaporean structural engineering company with a representative office in Shanghai is currently looking for an intern to be attached from around July to December (6-month period) 2010.
The intern will be paid RMB2800 per month for the internship in Shanghai. The company can help to source for accommodation if necessary. You may also wish to check out the IE Singapore-NUS Internship Award (http://www.nus.edu.sg/iro/nus/students/awards/ies-internship/index.html) for additional funding.
The intern will assist the engineer in technical marketing and operational work in the field of structural engineering. You can check the company’s website at www.fyfeasia.com for more information.
Please apply at https://share.nus.edu.sg/eng/ugrad/Lists/register_shanghai.htm by 21 February 2010 at the latest for our consideration.
Thank you for your attention.
GLENN FOO
ABC Ave 1
Blk2000 #00-000, Singapore 000000
+65 00000000
February 06th 2010
Sarimah Bte Mustafa
No.1 Engineering Drive 2
Block E1A, #07-03
Singapore 117576
Dear Ms. Sarimah,
I am writing in response to your recent email about the internship position in Shanghai. I would like to be considered for this position.
I am a 2nd Year undergraduate in the National University of Singapore seeking an engineering internship. The internship interests me because my current education grants me exposure to engineering from a student’s standpoint exclusively. I would like to gain the experience and knowledge unavailable in textbooks and have prior experience upon graduation.
The engineering modules I have taken thus far have given me a sound foundation in the operational works of structural engineering. I have also taken a marketing module which equips me with the basic necessary skills in technical marketing.
Although my engineering experience is not extensive, I have experiences in the people relations and documentation sector. I was a document runner in the recently concluded Apec 2009 in Singapore where I had to ensure the smooth operation of document printing, checking and distribution. Such experiences have equipped me with the relevant people relation skills and the need to work under pressure. I am confident my skills are adequate to meet the demands of this internship.
I hope you find me suitable for this position and I hope to hear from you in the near future. Thank you for considering my application.
Best Regards,
Glenn
Enclosure: Resume
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Dear Glenn,
ReplyDeleteI have a few suggestions.
In the first paragraph of your cover letter you wrote: "I refer to your recent email about the Internship position in Shang Hai." If Mrs. Sarimah were the human resource manager I doubt this is the only email she sent out regarding the internship. There could be other types of internships that she has sent out emails to notify others. On top of that, the way people interpret'recent' is subjective. You may want to replace it with: "I am writing to you in response to your email dated January 30th, 2010."
You could add a subject line in bold after the salutation. This could be something like that: "Application for Internship position in Shanghai".
In the last paragraph, you wrote: "I hope you find me suitable for this position and I hope to hear from you in the near future." I thought you could sound more confident here. Also, 'near future' gives the feeling that this matter can be pushed back to a later time, and she could just chuck the letter aside first; 'soon' might be a better word. Perhaps you could write something like that: "I would appreciate the opportunity to meet with you in person and I look forward to your reply."
Just my five-cents worth!
Dear Glenn,
ReplyDeleteI feel that your application letter has adequately covered the crucial points. However, I feel that you may wish to add in a line to express your interests for working overseas. Something along the line of experiencing others' cultures.
Your third paragraph can be elaborated further. Perhaps mentioning that the modules you have taken increased your interest in structural engineering (hopefully it is true).
Dear Glenn
ReplyDeleteYou should be careful when placing your personal information (in this class address) online. My advice is to remove it soon. It really is dangerous.
A subject line in bold after the salutation and before the content of the letter would be appropriate to let the HR personnel to know what this letter is for.
When you refer to your “experiences in the people relations and documentation sector”, do you mean public relations instead?
“Such experiences have equipped me with the relevant people relation skills and the need to work under pressure.” – This experience provided you with the need to work under pressure? I do not understand what you are trying to convey with the pressure part. You might want to re-phrase this statement to say that you successfully performed under pressure instead?
And also when signing off, it is better to sign off with your full name instead of just your first name. Signing off with your first name makes the letter seem a tad informal.
A few of my personal opinions.
-nicole
thanks Nicole, it didnt occur to me. It's not my address but i think the address's valid.
ReplyDeleteI think the letter is well-targeted at the position you are applying for. I would just like to give some additional suggestions though. You might not want to draw attention the fact that you lack extensive engineering experience. Also, you might want to rephrase the part, "I would like to gain the experience and knowledge unavailable in textbooks and have prior experience upon graduation." into e.g. I would like to gain hands-on experience in the engineering field and acquire additional technical knowledge and skills.
ReplyDeleteDear Glenn,
ReplyDeleteVery well structured letter. Here are a few points you may want to consider -
1) I am a 2nd Year undergraduate in the National University of Singapore seeking an engineering internship. - Repeat of paragraph 1 in terms of purpose.
2) 5 lines are dedicated to why you want the internship. This is probably not the best use of space.
3) 'The engineering modules' - what modules?
4) 'Although my engineering experience is not extensive, I have experiences in the people relations and documentation sector' can be 'I also have experiences'
5) Conciseness is good.
6) There is, however, very less engineering mentioned. So, you might want to consider mentioning some of the modules you have taken that are relevant to the internship.
Hope this helps!
Cheers
Rohan